Crap Scottish GaGs
by DaZZaBoY


The following gags will only be funny to those who live south of 
Hadrian's Wall. I'd also like to make it clear that these killer 
japes are definately NOT endorsed by Ken D! :oD


Did you hear about the Scotsmen that started a squash club?
Ten of them clubbed together and bought their own bottle

Jock walks into a fish & chip shop and ordered two pieces of fish, 
two pickled onions, plenty of salt and vinegar and said "Wrap them 
up in today's newspaper!"

How was copper wire invented?
Two jocks fighting over a 2p piece.

A Scot arrived at the Pearly Gates.
"Name?" asked St. Peter.
"Jock McTavish!" replied the Scot.
"F*@K OFF!" said St. Peter "We're not making porridge for one!".

What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Canoe?
A Canoe sometimes tips.

Scots enjoy being constipated, they can't bear to part with anything.

Jock goes to the clinic and asks for a check-up, the Doctor tells him 
he has too much sugar in his water.
So next morning he pissed on his porridge.

Did you hear that when Jock found out the police had put a price on 
his head, he turned himself in.

Scottish hotels are renowned for nicking towels off the guests.

A Scot pushes his way to the bar. "I've had an attack of the YAWS" 
he says to the barman.
"What's YAWS?" the barman replies.
"I'll have a Double Whiskey, pal!" says the Scot.

Jock picked up a stunning girl in a bar and hailed a cab to take 
her home. She was so sexy he could barely keep his eye on the meter.

Did you know GOLF was invented in Scotland and there are still 
clubs which have signs on the course which read:
MEMBERS WILL REFRAIN FROM PICKING UP LOST BALLS UNTIL THEY HAVE 
STOPPED ROLLING.

A true Scot never sends his pyjamas to the laundry without stuffing 
a pair of socks in the pockets first.

LETTER to the EDITOR:"If you don't stop making jokes at the expense 
of Scotsmen I shall discontinue borrowing your newspaper!

[eof]